Giving Thanks

…for family, who still love you even though they’ve known you their whole life,

and for old friends, who love you because they have known you almost your whole life…

…for children that grow up to be awesome adults and then come back home and tell us what awesome parents we are…

…for faithful pets, who love you no matter what you do, say, smell like, look like, and even if you leave them for hours and forget to pick up their food…

…for the change of season that brings the first snow…first smell of wood smoke…first batch of venison chili…

…for home, for whatever space you have to find comfort and relaxation at the end of the day…

…for my trusty Jeep and having 4-wheel drive to shift into when the back roads turn icy…

…for all those who help make the holidays a little brighter for others…the Salvation Army bell ringers…the Toys for Tots gatherers…the community dinner organizers…the coat and food drive volunteers…the church members that deliver baskets…those that help with sending packages to troops overseas…

…for the snow plow drivers, whose welcome roar clears our road and assures us we can get out no matter what winter dishes out, and for the delivery drivers and mail carriers, that help us stay connected to those far away…

…for acceptance of growing older, moving slower and not needing as much as we thought we did when we were younger…

…for another year, another day, another chance to correct a mistake, let something go, make someone smile and spread some good news...

 

Happy Holidays from Our House to Yours

Letting Go

Letting go of something, whether it’s a bad marriage, toxic friend, un-healthy habit, dead-end job, or long-held grudge, can mean digging deep to find the courage and strength to make positive changes. It’s easier sometimes to just give in or give up and succumb to whatever life throws at us; yet we know it’s not the best choice in the long run.

One of the hardest as a parent is letting go of our children. We know that we never really let go of them, even when they are grown adults with kids of their own, they’ll always be our babies. And there are times when we still wish we could just hug them and make it better. But, we do have to let go of them eventually so they can become the adults they are meant to be.  It means evolving into an adult relationship with them and letting them take responsibility for their lives. It’s still okay to make them a home cooked meal, ask about their friends and remind them to drive safe...after all, we don't have to let go of everything!

Moving on from a difficult relationship, dead-end job or long-time routine can be one of the hardest things to do. Everyone gets stuck sometimes, but if it lasts, over time we end up in a rut; that's when it's time to really think about what and how to let go. It can mean moving away from what has been familiar for years, taking on the work of finding another job or a new group of friends. It gets harder to make these changes as we get older, have less energy and become more set in our ways. 

But, change can start in small steps, like taking a class in something you've always wanted to learn; finding out about volunteer opportunities, often it’s a place to meet new people and develop a connection to community; consider joining a church if your spiritual side is calling; give some time to a cause close to your heart; plan a trip to visit a friend or relative you've been meaning to see; try yoga, join or gym or get outside every day; tap in to your creative side and learn a new craft; find someone to talk to who will really listen, whether a caring friend or compassionate professional.

I don' think we are meant to stay in a miserable or angry state – no matter what the situation is. There are no perfect anything’s in this life, yet we can make choices that are more likely to make us happy, and once we do, we often wonder why we took so long! Happy Trails...

Back to School

There are three words that bring both relief and anxiey to parents of school age children - Back to School. For those who have been home with kids all summer, the change in routine is most welcome. It means they are no longer the daily Events Director, Lifeguard, Cook, Chauffeur, Mediator and all around Fun Parent.

It also means a frenzy of shopping for the right backpack, lunchbox, notebooks, pencils and pens that change color, write upside down and practically erase themselves. Then it's on the the clothing department and hope they don't need new shoes too. After fighting the crowds, spending  $150 and eating at Taco Bell once again, they're ready fot the FIRST DAY! If it's college time, it's a lot like the first day of school all over again, but the cost is closer to $20,000 and MUCH more complicated!

For those of you with kindergarteners, make sure you've both met the teacher and seen the classroom before that first morning. And buy extra kleenex - you (probably not your child) will need it. That first day of school comes much faster than you think, it seems like just yesterday he was pouring cereal on the kitchen floor and mixing it with the dog food. And now he's yelling "See ya later, Mom!" over his shoulder as he heads into a huddle with six other little boys. So take that lump in your throat and get outta there as quick as you can!

If you're fortunate enough to have a few extra minutes that morning, grab another cup of coffee and savor your thoughts...let them drift back to the bundle in the blanket, the first steps, words, poop in the toilet...and cry if you need to. This is another milestone in your life as a parent - congratulate yourself for having gotten this far. Parents of college students may want to celebrate with dinner and dancing!

For older students, the all-important element - friends - becomes a major factor in all thoughts, decisions, feeling and actions. If your daughter finds herself in a class opposite all her friends, she may feel lonely and lost the first few days and some encouragement can go far in helping her adjust (especially those stories about what it was like when you were in sixth grade...)

Even tho' everyone is ususally ready for the changes a new school year brings, there are times you miss them and still wish they were home. Consider getting involved in school events and activites, go have lunch with them, stay and help the teacher, read a story, etc. That helps everyone build a bridge between home and school, and is a chance to learn more about their school days than at any parent-teacher conference.

So enjoy the quiet house, the clean kitchen and some alone time, and there's still time to sneak in another beach day or two!

Summertime

 

…and the livin’ is easy…so the song goes. As another summer begins to have the first cool nights of the coming fall, I want to slow it down so I can catch up on all the things I still want to do. Summer takes on a feel of its own, unlike any other season; it brings back what is fun, carefree, and spontaneous. It beckons us to be young again, to run into the waves, to lie in the grass, to camp under the stars and make s’mores, to explore outdoor adventures. And if we don’t get some of those, it makes the long winter seem even longer…

We are blessed here in Michigan to be among the best places to be in the summer. The Great Lakes surround us with over 3,000 miles of freshwater coastline - more than any other state in the country. There are 11,000 (yes, 11,000!!)  Inland lakes and 36,000 miles of rivers and streams - you are never more than 6 miles from a lake or stream anywhere in the state!

There are places to hike where you are the only one looking out over a view that rivals any coastline anywhere. There are beaches where there’s room for dogs to run, kids to play, and where evening bonfires area a summer tradition.  Michigan has over 600 campgrounds and 97 state parks that are often full all season.  It’s created a new side business for locals to cut and package campfire wood and sell it at the end of their driveways! With the amount of traffic here this summer, some people are making a killing!

But there is a down side to all the natural beauty; it doesn’t create jobs, except in the tourist industry – which is thriving by the increased vistiors this summer. Businesses and events are reporting record numbers that translates into local dollars.  Still, some businesses close in the winter or reduce hours, seasonal workers are laid off,  that’s when everything slows down and re-charges. Except for the ski resorts and snowmobilers, the area seems to take a long nap until the summer returns.

Whether its cruising on a biking trail, canoeing on a river, or wading in to a cool lake, it’s time to grab a piece of summer before it’s all just memories.  Better hurry, I saw a maple tree with red leaves the other day…

 

Leap of Faith

How do you decide when the time is right to try something new and unknown? What do you do with thoughts and ideas that wake you up at 2 am? How much do you tell others about all the hopes and dreams swirling in your head? When do you ignore the naysayers and just “do it?”

I’ve decided that the time for me is now; that I am going to pay attention to those thoughts and ideas; that I am only going to tell my hopes and dreams to those who will be supportive; and that I am just going to “do it.”

My dream is to make a living as a writer and I have decided to pursue it with every last bit of time, energy, perseverance and desire that I can muster. And I have decided that the world – and particularly my home state of Michigan – needs some good news.  And my 30 years of freelance writing; 20 years of public relations and marketing; 15 years of creating newsletters, yearbooks, news stories, press releases, radio scripts and more have positioned me to be just the person to deliver it!

I have recently launched www.GoodNewsMichigan.net, as an online monthly resource or e-paper, for success stories about people, businesses, communities, neighborhoods, events and ideas around the state. I got support and sponsorships from the network of people I have interviewed over the years, and words of encouragement from the handful of people I shared it with. I started it on shoe-string; I bought a $100 web designing software and have spent the last 5 months teaching myself how to use it. I asked three of my closest friends and my sister to help and I found a local web designer, who helped me with my 1001 questions. I am keeping my “day job,” and taking it in small steps. It has been a huge learning curve as I realized my years in publishing didn’t transfer to understanding how the online publishing world works.

I pushed through anxiety, frustration and doubts that were there at every step; I lost pages, whole files and sleep; I worked into the nights after working long days and wondered out loud “What the hell am I doing?” more times than I want to admit. I made so many revisions I started losing track of which pages I did what to. And when it came time to upload the site, I had to wait two days to talk to someone from the software company to help to interface with my web host, because they are based in the UK and were closed for the Queen’s Jubilee!

But, I have tapped into my entrepreneurial spirit, and it feels good. I don’t know where it is going to go, maybe nowhere, but I am enjoying the feeling of turning one of those middle of the night ideas into a reality.

On being a mom...

Whether your Mother's Day is about celebration, relaxation or reflection, know that being a mom is the most rewarding, challenging, emotional and sometimes, thankless job there is. You need the patience of Jobe; the wisdom of Solomon and the endurance of an Olympic athlete; and even with all that, they will grow and mature at their own pace, of which you have no control over.

From the childhood years, trying to balance hoovering over them with letting them explore on their own; to the teenage years when they morph into someone or something that is no longer your loving child; to when they begin to navigate on their own as an adult, when you need to remember that you too learned from your mistakes, and that you have to let them do the same.

Being a mom means doing things that sometimes don't make sense, that you don't understand or even like. But you do it to be supportive, helpful and loving. It means sacrificing what you want for the sake of your child; it means remembering what it was like when you were 12 or 16 or 25; it means putting your own agenda aside when it comes to helping them with their future; it is a love deeper than any other, and no matter what happens, the love remains.

To all who have lost their mom's, take a moment to go back to a memory that made your mom smile and stay there long enough to feel it again; to all those young moms who feel overwhelmed, under appreciated and just plain tired, let go of responsibilities, if even for just a minute, and remember how it felt when they were first placed in your arms; to all those moms-to-be, enjoy the time you have now, because EVERYTHING is about to change! You will never again look at the world the same way, but it will change you for the better, promise...

Happy Mother's Day!

On Vacation

On vacation....ahhhh...time to lay in the hammock, soak up some rays and relax. That was our intent, anyway. We now know that putting four families with a combined total of 12 children under one very large cabin roof, is anything but a vacation. What began as a reunion of old friends, once know for their outlandish behavior and good times, quickly turned in to a game of who could sneak away the longest without a child finding them!

The Dad's "run up to the store" took most of the afternoon, and the Mom's "bike ride" lasted way past dark. It was the only time we could talk uninterrupted and remember that yes, there was life b.c. (before children!) And when did we all change our minds about having kids anyway?!

The first night was a test of everyone's nerves as we listened to stereo baby crying, starting with the almost 2-year old and ending with the just-5 week old. Of course, they both took an extra long nap the next day, while the rest of us stumbled around wishing we could do the same.

But the kids all got along real well, even when a morning rain shower threatened to turn the day in to one endless arts & crafts session. It was great to see them becoming friends, and running along the same shoreline we used to as teenagers. We managed to get some time to have a few drinks and take ourselves back to those old days, but it wasn't enough.

We decided to make plans again next year, and everyone's agreed to not exceed the 12-kid limit! We'll probably get the same large cabin, although someone mentioned a couples-only cruise that sounded real good, too. Happy Trails!

Red Feathers

My father was a fisherman. His hobby was making his own fishing tackle, particularly flies. He made them from various materials, including red feathers. The feathers tended to cling to clothing and seemed to folow him everywhere he went. It became a family joke - we could tell where he had been by following the trail of red feathers.

After Dad died, those feathers were a painful reminder, so we cleaned out his room and were careful to get rid of all the red feathers. It was the first week after his death that we witnessed the first "reminder." Mom and I were at an office in downtown Detroit, taking care of some of his business, when she opened her purse to find a red feather in among some papers she pulled out. It was upsetting, and we were mystified as to how one could have gotten in to her purse, of all places.

A summer passed, Dad's death was still fresh on our minds, but the red feathers were all but forgotten until I went back to school in the fall. I walked in to the classroom one morning, and as I sat my books down, a red feather flew from the top of me desk and floated down to land on my books. I ran out of the classroom and Mom had to come and take me home.

There were a few other instances of the feathers appearing in strange places, with no explanation of how they could've gotten there. Once during a Thanksgiving dinner, we found one on the table. One turned up inside a Christmas gift for Mom. We tried to think of these as "reminder" from my Dad, so that we don't forget him. I hope he knows we never will.

(This was my first published story, Detroit Free Press, Oct., 1982.)

Dad's Tin Box

He kept it hidden for over 20 years and brought it out when he was laid off and facing health issues. When he asked for a dreaded “family meeting” we all cringed thinking it was about the usual - chores, money, attitude, etc. But when we sat down and he put a well-worn tin box on the table, we knew this was something else. He looked at us and began to explain…

“When you were born,” he said, looking at our son, “I was working away from home and I got a call from Mom crying and saying she needed me to come home. I realized then that I was now responsible for the well-being of both of you and I would have to find a way to make a living that worked for us as a family." He looked at our daughter and contiued,  "And then when you were born, we were in the first economic recession in the late 80’s and I knew that I could only make so much income.  And because I don’t read and write well, I knew I would have to work with my back and my hands, so the only choice I had was to try to save for future needs.”

“For the next 20 years, I put whatever I could in this tin every week; sometimes it was $10’s & $20’s, sometimes just a few dollars. As it got full, I exchanged it for $100 bills; but never once did I take any out and rarely counted it. Now that I am laid off and have some medical bills coming, I decided it was time for us to use it.”

As he opened the tin, a wad of $100 bills fell out; both kids looked at him in astonishment as he told them there was over $10,000 in the tin. Our daughter began to cry and jumped up to hug him; our son sat back on the couch in disbelief and my jaw fell open. I thought of the times we could’ve used it – all those payments for braces, student loans, vehicle repairs, overdue bills, much-needed vacations – and how hard it must’ve been for him to continue to save no matter what. We were all in tears as he handed the tin to our son and said “I hope you use it well, you may need it someday like I did.”

Gardening Up North

For over 20 years, I have battled sand, drought, cold, bugs and weeds to grow a vegetable garden. Some years, when the spring rains never came, the deer ate all the tender new shoots or the first frost came in August, I vowed to never grow a garden again. Other years, when the potato bugs chewed the plants up in a matter of hours, or the tomato worms were as big as my hand, I swore the next year I was going to shop at the farmer's markets instead of trying to grow my own.

But not many things smell as good as fresh dirt, and each year it calls to me. It holds the promise of another spring, another growing season, another chance. The garden nurtures something in me. From the seed catalogs that arrive in the dead of winter just when I need to see a burst of color, to the flats of seedlings I sprout indoors in the early spring, to the first warm afternoon I can finally get outside and see what's there, it's like being with an old friend. From April through September, I can count on having dirty and broken nails, sore knees and a stiff back. But the rewards are great.

I look forward to the first peas off the vine, so sweet they are often eaten before we get them to the kitchen. And then there's the early lettuce, spinach, onions, all reminders of what fresh vegetables are really supposed to look and taste like. As summer beckons, the garden transforms. Huge squash and pumpkin vines spill out from all sides, tomato and pepper plants shoot upwards and bear fruit that will turn in to homemade salsa. Corn and sunflower stalks change from tiny shoots to six feet tall in just a few weeks. We joke each summer about all the different ways we can use zucchini. There are times we can make an entire dinner from what's ready to pick in the garden. That's a feeling only farmers and gardeners know.

In the spring and summmer, I spend my early mornings in the garden, hoe or seeds in hand, stopping to sip my coffee while I work. I have hauled manure - truckloads of it, I have spent an entire afternoon trying to start an old roto-tiller. I have rushed home on a cold night to cover tender plants against a late spring frost. I have bought books on organic gardening and have paid attention to planting the radishes with the lettuce and keeping the potatoes away from the sunflowers. I plant flowers and herbs around and in between rows to repel some bugs and encourage others. I have planted by the full moon and during a thunderstorm. I have built a compost bin and manure tea brewer. I was even tilling the garden just days before my son was born in April. My doctor told me that it probably helped me go in to labor!

Growing a garden is a lot like life - you have to work diligently - tending plants, watering, weeding and finally, harvesting...and nothing comes easy. The garden reminds me how growth and change are part of the fabric of life.

In Northern Michigan, we're famous for our sand dunes, cherry trees and unpredictable weather. We can have hot, dry summers, rainy falls and long winters. It can snow in May or October and can be 90 degrees in July. I have gained a renewed respect and admiration for anyone who grows food for a living, and for Mother Nature, who has an agenda all her own.

But, instead of giving up, a few years ago we built a greenhouse and made the realization that gardening is part of my life. It's just something I have to do.